Meeting my (2nd) husband was an answer to my prayer...my prayer of forgiveness and prayer of "Oh please Dear Lord, help me find a man that will love me with four boys, baggage, issues and mistakes." Well, he is that, The Good Lords gift of proof there are second chances in life. Of course with every blessing you have to take the good with the bad...well, not bad per say, just not anything close to even a dysfunctional fairytale. My "Knight and Shining Armor" had extreme baggage of his own. We aren't perfect, but it seemed we were perfect together.
So we had our "normal" blended family issues with my boys. New man in mama's life, with ideas and head strong ways of his own, mixed in with my four boys' head strong personalities. Can we say TESTOSTERONE! Being out numbered for so many years, I was excited that my man had two girls of his own! Not quite the Brady Bunch, but girls! Wow! I didn't want to replace their mother that they lived with during the school year, I wanted to be their dads wife and motherly figure.
Well, the first summer that the girls were here with us, we weren't married yet. Everything seemed to go pretty smoothly. I was new, they liked me and we had fun. I could see their hints of manipulation and the way they played everyone, but trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, I didn't make it an issue. I mean they go 9 months without seeing their dad and now they have to share him.
Summer came and went with what I thought good times and no major issues...Boy did I think wrong! The girls went back to their moms with story after fabricated story about how horrible it was here...how horrible I was! I thought things went good! I catered to them, played with them, did crafts...actually did girly things! How could they? I wasn't perfect by any means...I was just as new to this step-mom thing too! So after dealing with that I wasn't quite sure if I could handle all that.
The oldest sd is very manipulative and a pathological liar. I hate to say this about a child that is now 12. And I realize she learns this from her mother and grandmother...but I have never dealt with someone who will lie so easily! We had countless issues last summer with lying, manipulating, crying out bursts, and fits. The youngest is now 8 and still acts 4. She talks like a baby and manipulates just as smoothly as her older sister. I have never seen anything like it! After the last summer, the girls refused to come this year because I was so mean, their dad didn't do this, didn't do that and basically admitted they didn't like it here because we hold all the children accountable, have rules and consequences for negative actions. They also didn't like that I made them put spray and wash on their clothes when they stained them. They actually got mad because I didn't let them run around like rag-a-muffins with stained clothes! The oldest cry's when she gets out of the tub or shower because she "stays wet!". So, I trek to the store to get her powder...guess what, she didn't like that powder and cried for hours because she didn't feel dry...so off I go for different powder!
Throughout the year, my husband tried talking to his daughters. When they did give him the time of day, they would yell at him, say he was guilt tripping them and usually would get hung up on. They would tell lies and play the pity card. How could two young girls be so controlled and cold hearted? Now, I realize they are just kids...and I am by, nor was by anyway perfect. I wasn't the most tolerant to the lies, manipulation, humiliation and tension they put on the household. So for two little girls to only be here for three months out of the year, they controlled everyday in our home with sadness and tension and even contemplation on our staying married.
Fast forwarding, after a conversation a few months ago between dh and his daughters, he was told if he wanted to see them, he could go to their grandparents, dh's folks, 500 miles away...because they were going to stay there a few weeks and that was up to him. So, here we are, my dh has been home a week after making the trek to see his daughters and little has changed, even though the girls realized what they had done and apologized and vowed to treat us better...with excitement to come see us next summer. DH's heart is still torn and I'm not sure if I can do another year of this roller coaster ride. How can you be so in love with a man but not be able to stand his children?
So here we are...any ideas, thoughts, chewing out, comments or suggestions would be fabulous!
